NBA Draft Piker Presents: Brandon Knight vs. Kemba Walker

That's right NBA Draft fans, we've got an old fashioned donnybrook! A brouhaha between two of the NCAA's finest for the hearts and minds of the readers of this fine periodical. But before we get started, let me take this opportunity to thank the seven individuals who have recently visited this site from Turkey. Thank you. I don't know who you are, or how you ended up here, but I hope each and every one of you found whatever it is you were looking for.

Where were we? Two colossi of human strength and basketball ingenuity enter the flaming ring of fire, only one man leaves! But how to choose?
In my personal opinion (and hopefully yours as well) a large part of what makes sports great, and what makes being a sports fan fun, is the space it provides for differing viewpoints. Crazed soccer hooligans excluded. They may not take kindly to different view points.

In this day and age, sports debates are increasingly dominated by the friction between those who rely on statistics, and those who rely on watching games. Basketball is an unusually interesting case study at this point in time, as it has not been completely captured by the statistical revolution and reduced to a mathematical model. For more on this see baseball. On the other hand, basketball fans have been much more receptive to statistical analysis than football fans, who seem to view their sport as "unquantifiable," due perhaps to the large number of bodies on the field at once.

In the NBA, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and a stat geek's Hakeem Olajuwon may be a hardcore fan's Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje. That is, unless those two men are talking about Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje. They will speedily agree that he is, in fact, Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje.

Imagine two blind old men groping at a volkswagen. One thinks he is feeling a well-designed German automobile, unpretentious yet comfortably luxurious. The other believes it to be a a precision engineered European driving machine, sporty and classy all at once. Ok bad example. But you get the picture. Therefore, let us view examine Kemba Walker and Brandon Knight through a multitude of prisms, in order to avoid mistaking an elephant for a snake.

Prism 1: Winning
The average NBA fan calling in to a radio talk show is so overwhelmingly concerned with winning, you could almost mistake him or her for Charlie Sheen or DJ Khaled. In this worldview, when it comes right down to it some guys are winners and some guys aren't. This is what separates Michael Jordan from Karl Malone. What exactly comprises the magical winning potion is a combination of toughness, determination, wanting it more than the other guy, the ability to perform under pressure, Adonis DNA, and literally any other sports cliche you have ever heard.

Though I mock it, there is some truth to this world view. If you have ever competed against another person in anything, be it competitive hot-dog eating or ballet you know what competing feels like. And for that matter you almost certainly know what winning and losing feel like. On a very primal level, we humans want to avoid the pain of losing, and experience the joy of winning. For some, competition brings out the absolute best, for others not so much. Brandon Knight played one year of college ball, and did his fair share of winning. Kemba Walker won his last 11 games to take home the Big East and NCAA Championships.

Edge: Kemba Walker

Prism 2: The Stats
Unfortunately this prism is extremely cloudy. Check out the incredible similarities between Walker and Knight's 2010 college stats here. Walker took more shots than Knight, and therefore scored more, but efficiency-wise the two were almost identical. Knight boasted a true shooting percentage of 55.2%, versus 54.2% for Walker. Their rebounding, and assist numbers were also very similar. Finally, Walker (a Junior) predictably turned the ball over less frequently than Knight (a freshman).

Edge: Dead even.



Prism #3: Athletic Measurables. At first glance, prisms #1 and #2 appear to be diametrically opposed. On the other hand, at least they both involve playing basketball. Whether you prefer to look at a player's college winning percentage or his college three point percentage, you are making the implicit assumption that college basketball correlates somehow to pro basketball. Seems reasonable, no? Not if you are Jay Bilas, Chad Ford, and a host of other true believers in the cult of athletic measurables. These zealots take it for granted that NBA basketball is a unique game. It doesn't matter what you did at UCLA, or Maccabi Tel Aviv, the NBA is populated only with world class atheletes, and if you can't compete athletically you will not succeed. Let's go to the tale of the tape on Kemba Walker and Brandon Knight. Hardcore fans click here for a mind-boggling array of measurements. To summarize all that, Knight is taller, has longer reach, is quicker, and skinnier. Kemba Walker jumps higher.

Edge: Brandon Knight

So after all that what have we learned? People have different perspectives, and never, ever, EVER stray from the Conway method. Watch the highlights and you will agree that Brandon Knight looks like Rajon Rondo with a jumper. Kemba Walker? He looks good too. Kyrie Irving look out.

Brandon Knight Highlights

Kemba Walker Highlights


Darko Time!

Next Up: Czech out Jan Vesely!

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Enes Kanter

Greetings draft fans! Before we apply the famed Conway method to the mysterious basketball creature that is Enes Kanter, I'd like to muse for a moment about two of my favorite topics: Turkey and rebounding!

First up, Turkey. Turkey is a lovely nation of over 70 Million folks, which was born of the Ottoman empire, and is wedged in at the confluence of Russia, the Balkans, North Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. Famous for it's secular Muslim government, soccer fanatics, and this weird thing, Turkey is also the proud home of 5 current NBA players, who can be easily lumped into two distinct groups. Group 1 consists of Hedo Turkoglu, and surfing fanatic Ersan Ilyasova, who stand around and shoot threes. Omer Asik and Semih Erden are large men that rebound and defend the low post. They comprise group 2. Almost forgot about Mehmet Okur, who certainly acts like he belongs in group 1, but may actually have taken a wrong turn on the road to group 2.

Next, rebounding. For those basketball novices among us, rebounding is the ancient art of catching missed shots. There are three simple philosophies that guide basketball players at all levels toward their goal of rebounding the basketball.

Phillosophy 1: the Zydrunas Ilgauskas. As the Big Z is clearly a probabilistic thinker, he always has one simple thought going through his mind at all times: "I am a 7 foot 3 Lithuanian man, if I stand here, near the basket, there is a very good chance a missed shot will fall to me." This philosophy only works if you are 7 feet tall. Below, Zydrunas in perfect rebounding position.
Phillosophy 2: the Gerald Wallace. Gerald, it seems, lives in the moment. He can't be bothered with rebounds until the ball bricks delicately off the rim, his cue to soar superman style at the thing and attempt to throw it down. Boxing out? Gerald is unfamiliar with this nonsense. After all, is it really a rebound if nobody gets posterized in the process? This phillosophy only works if you have supernatural athleticism. Watch Gerald lay a friendly egg on Kyle Korver's head here.

Phillosophy 3: the Nick Collision. Unlike Big Z and Gerald, Nick Collison, and his ilk, take a more steadfast, determined approach to their craft. Nick Collison devotes himself and every fiber of his being to rebounding, a samurai approach, if you will. While on the court, others think about that funny halibut they had for lunch, how badly they just missed a 3, or which club they will be attending that night, Collison seems to dwell on such minutiae as, "when Zach Randolph misses bank shots they tend to fall near the right block," or "If Shaq's heinie wasn't so darn large I'm sure I could get around him and get this rebound!" Players who master the samurai phillosophy of rebounding actually appear to have a magnet pulling the ball towards them at all times. On the right, a young Collison uses his mystical powers of magnetism to gather a rebound.

History's greatest rebounder, Dennis Rodman, combined the unique athletic advantages of Big Z and Gerald with a single-minded devotion to the samurai code of rebounding unmatched by any man or beast.

Now on to Kanter. Before viewing the highlights, you should know that from 2008-2009, Kanter was a "seldom used reserve" on Turkish professional team Fenerbahçe Ülker.
He then spent 2009-2010 as a student assistant coach at the University of Kentucky because he made 300 grand playing ball in Turkey, which apparently the NCAA frowns on. No word on why American college players are routinely allowed to accept money. Finally, scouts and NBA GM's have apparently seen him play once or twice. So dear reader, prepare to join the elite club I like to call "the world's 100 best informed Enes Kanter scholars".

Highlights.
Yikes. In English, the word for stiff is "Erick Dampier". In Greek it is, "Jake Tsakalidis". Apparently in Turkish the word is "Enes Kanter".

Ok that is a little bit harsh, but top 5 pick! This guy? These highlights are from the single game in which Kanter set the world on fire. Since then he has played little competitive basketball. Let the record reflect the following:
1. Kanter's rebounding phillosophy appears to conform most closely to Big Z. He spends the entirety of this clip standing flat-footed as the ball falls over the heads of high schoolers and into his hands.
2. Speaking of which, his hands were apparently carved out of some fine Turkish marble. he is nearly stripped at the beginning of the clip and fumbles before recovering on a few other occasions.
3. He can shoot. There I said something nice about Enes Kanter.

Skip to the 4:27 mark in the highlight video to watch Kanter and fellow EuroStiff Dejan Musli play volleyball.

Enough with the "highlights", on to the interview. Don't be deterred by the language barrier. If Ichiro has taught us one thing, it is that a true champion need not speak English the way most Americans do.

Interview.

Practically the first words out of Kanter's mouth are: "I don't have to hide anything," which he repeats for dramatic effect. This begs the obvious question, what on earth is Enes Kanter hiding? Aside from his lack of talent that is.

As Enes warms up, he shows that he is quite intelligent (he learned decent English in 6-7 months, cool!), and he absolutely kills the crowd with a hilarious zinger about American music being too fast to understand the words (3:25 in). Having gone to the University of Kentucky, he is surely referring to bluegrass music.

He also seems like he is an extremely hard working, determined guy, though he doesn't exactly pass the Greg Oden dentist test with flying colors. He seems really, really happy to be out of Turkey. So happy that you wonder how many unsettled gambling debts he has outstanding with former Fenerbahçe Ülker teammates. Basketball may not be this guy's top priority. If in 10 years he has a PhD in histology, like his father, don't say I didn't warn you. Ultimately, drafting Kanter seems akin to buying a lottery ticket. I'd say there is a 1 in 10 chance Kanter absolutely loves basketball, hates losing, and has the samurai rebounding mentality to boot. If that is the case then we have the Turkish Al Horford on our hands. Otherwise you have a mediocre, unathletic big man with decent shooting touch and little else. Which brings me back to Mehmet Okur.

Darko Time!

Up next: Brandon Knight, who may have introduced Enes Kanter to rap music.

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Derrick Williams

If you have heard even one NBA draft guru pontificating on Derrick Williams, you have probably heard that he is a tweener. Ewwwwwwwwww a tweener. Who wants that? Why can't he just be a power forward or a small forward? Why won't his stupid body choose one?

As long as we are willing to forget about everything we have ever seen on an NBA basketball court, the "Tweener's just suck" mantra is a perfectly good way to judge prospects. But let's take it even one step further, and actually examine NBA history for a moment. A cursory glance at Bill Simmons' pyramid of NBA greats leaves the mind positively tingling with shock! a 6'9" POINT GUARD who can guard every position? A 6'5" POWER FORWARD, somewhere north of 250 lbs? Who are these freaks of nature and what are they doing on a basketball court? They are Magic Johnson and Charles "The Round Mound of Rebound" Barkley. AGGGGHH Hall of Fame tweeners! And yes that semi-rippling physique below is the same brilliant blob of goo you see on TNT every night.

As if that wasn't proof enough let's play a quick round of NBA Tweener fantasy draft. I give you their oddball measurements, and you pick which tweeners you want! Help yourself to one serving from each pool.

Pool A: Frighteningly lengthy skinny guys who probably can't play either forward spot.....
#1 6'9", 230 lbs
#2 6'9", 240 lbs

Pool B: Too short to play shooting guard, too beefy to play the point?
#1 6'3", 210 lbs
#2 6'2", 205 lbs

Pool C: Tub of love small forwards who power forwards can probably shoot over with ease....
#1 6'8", 250 lbs
#2 6'8", 240 lbs

Scroll Down for Results!
















So who did you pick?

You picked all the #2's right...

Congratulations! You got Marvin Williams, Marcus Banks and Leon Powe, bon chance!


For those of you who chanced into team 1, congrats! You got Kevin Durant, Chauncey Billups, and LeBron. So yeah, if you are a tweener, you suck. It has nothing to do with how good you are at basketball, you just plain suck. And with that let's go to the tape on Derrick Williams!

Highlights - short version(click here if you have a job)
Highlights - long version (unemployed people I love you too, I know you are on your grind)

Crashing the boards, and whiskers on kittens,
Pull up 3-pointers, and warm woolen mittens,
Colossal slam dunks thrown down in transition,
These are a few of his favorite things.

So yeah he is a tweener, but in all the best ways! Watch him glide lazily into people's bodies and throw in deft bank shots! Watch him get stuffed going up to the rim, regather, then jump into the former shot-blocker's chest and flip it in, turning his would-be assailant into a crying child! Take in his calm, sweet 3-point stroke. Is his athleticism off the charts? No, it is on the charts. But after watching Zach Randolph rip through the Spurs without ever leaving the ground, we must remember that a hefty, fearless, determined dude with touch softer than a baby's bottom doesn't need to soar through the air to dominate. We've all played against that guy in a rec league, and it is not fun! Throw in the fact that, like Z-Bo, he drains outside shots and you have a serious offensive weapon. He likes flying around and blocking shots, and moves his feet well enough, and there are only a handful of legitimately tall power forwards who can score (ahhhhhhhh DIRK) so I deem him "not a liability" on defense. Let's go to the interview portion of tonight's show to make sure that unlike Z-Bo, young Derrick won't be having any run-ins with the law.

Interview.

Derrick Williams surprised me not so much by what he said, but how he said it. I don't know how else to put this, other than to say he sounds a bit like bugs bunny. All right, I'll stop being coy, the guy has a little baby lisp. This has nothing to do with basketball, it may however, have something to do with Derrick William's soul, qi, kami, personality, or whatever else you want to call it. He loves calling himself as an underdog, and apparently was lightly recruited out of high school. These are probably good things. His goal is to be rookie of the year. This is a good thing. He is soft-spoken, unexcitable, and in general seems like a well-adjusted, good humored, slightly lispy gentleman. He had me at, "ahhhh, I'd probably thay ummmmm the Duke game,"6 seconds in!

That is until he made it perfectly clear that he was only interested in playing small forward. WHYYYYYYY DERRICK! Don't give into the tyranny of the perimeter. LeBron has definitely sexified the small forward position waaaaay too much. As long as Williams is willing to crush his enemies in the post it doesn't matter what position he plays, but after that interview I am more than a little worried that he may get a bit Josh Smith bang-bang loco at times. NBA Draft Express notes that the most physically comparable player in their database is DaJuan Summers (eeeegads!), but that just means that Grandmama is not in their database. That's right the great Larry Johnson (6'7", 250 lbs) has already blazed the trail for young Derrick (6'7", 250 lbs) so long as he is ready to smash on people in the post like the great LJ, his future will be bright.


Darko Time!

Next up, Turkish delight Enes Kanter!

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Kyrie Irving

Welcome friends, NBA Draft fans, and the dozens of starry-eyed youths currently vying for a spot in Kyrie Irving's posse. Though I can't tell you who will be lucky enough to win entrance into that prodigious club, I can tell you exactly how good Kyrie Erving will be in the NBA. How?!?! you might ask. Aren't NBA GM's paid by the bushel to ponder such imponderables? Don't hundreds of scouts trot the globe to scientifically dissect each and every aspect of a young prospect's mind, body, and soul?

Well yes, they do. But if they knew what they were doing would we have Eddy Curry and his love handles going in the lottery? Stromile Swift? Michael "The Kandi Man" Olowokandi? Adam "Johnson's no more tears" Morrision? Hasheem Thabeet? I could go on.... And I will.... Nikoloz Tskitishvili, Frederic Weis, and please let us not forget Darko Milicic and Greg Oden. Of course the Blazers do have an airtight defense; if the history of the NBA draft has taught us one thing it is that you don't pass up a guy whose legs are different lengths, and is unsure whether he wants to be a dentist or an NBA center, so long as he has a good pilates gameface. Similarly, when you can get a bleached-blond Serbian teenager as phillosophical as Darko, "I think it’s difficult to compare us. It’s like apples to pears. Lebron plays the 2-3. I play the 3-4, so it’s different," you take him! Apples to pears indeed, Mr. Milicic!

But seriously, there must be a better way, no? Of course there is. Using 3 simple steps pioneered by Professional Basketball Scientist, and Peace Corps extraordinaire Benjamin Kvamme Conway, you too can be privy to the mystical secrets of each and every NBA draft prospect.

Step 0: pick a player! for the purposes of this post, we will use Kyrie Irving.

Step 1. Watch a highlight video of your chosen player on youtube. The longer the better, and unless the music is too unbearably bad shoot for the video with the most previous views. Reader beware, this is a HIGHLIGHT TAPE. If at any point during step 2 you find yourself watching Timofey Mozgov klutz his way into the missing third Klitschko brother and then stiffly bank in a layup, your chosen player probably isn't going to make it. Same thing goes for anyone raining in threes on guys who have yet to hit puberty, see the aforementioned Adam Morrison.

Step 2. Watch a long interview with your player on NBA Draft Express. Here are some useful questions you should be asking yourself during step 3:
Do i like this person?
Would I enjoy playing basketball with this person?
Would I trust this person with my grandmother?
Would I want this person to be in one of those Modern Warfare 2 style foxhole's with me?
And finally, does this person seem like he would rather be a dentist?

Answers for Tyreke Evans: no, no, heavens no, no, thankfully no. James Harden: yes, yes, yes, yes, no. You can see how step 2 separates the wheat from any wheat-like substances that may have gotten past step 1.

So without further ado, I give you Kyrie Irving.


Step 1: Highlights. The first red flag on Irving is that his highlight reel is all of 3 minutes long. I know, he played only one year at Duke, and was injured for 2/3 of the year. But until I get a good explanation of how either of those facts bodes well for Irving's NBA career I will continue to hold this against him. Bottom line, your highlight tape should be 2 or more seconds longer than Selena Gomez's "A Year Without Rain".

On the plus side, Irving looks like a great passer with quite a high basketball IQ. He only swishes one Jimmer style heave (or Gilbert Arenas style heave, for the NBA purists out there), and he is constantly looking to create open shots for his teammates (somewhere Anderson Varejao is smiling). On the down side he does not look like a tremendous athlete. On a few different occasions he flies down the court on 2 on 1's and instead of going hard to the hoop and finishing with a thunderous explosion to the rim, he slows down and makes awkward passes to his teammates that may not cut it at the next level. As a point guard it is useful to know your physical limits (somewhere a team of bio-physicists are trying to enlighten Russell Westbrook on this topic as we speak), but Irving's limits are so readily apparent that we can rest assured Kyrie Irving will NOT be the best player in this draft. Reminds me of: Chris Paul playing with 3 pounds of lead in each shoe, Stephon Marbury, if he had gotten a lobotomy, Mike Conley.


Step 2:
Interview
If you hadn't already taken my word for Irving's athletic limitations, let the man himself enlighten you:

Q: "If it wasn't for a rule, would you have tried to have gone pro out of high school?"
A: "Aw, no sir, no, no, no......It's just a different age now, a new generation, where our bodies aren't the same as back then, they were a new breed back then, as you can see in the NBA now, so I wouldn't have tried to come out. "

Q: "Can you make an immediate impact as a rookie?"
A: "Right now, I'm not sure"

"I guess some people see different things in me that I dont even see in myself sometimes."

He is practically pleading with NBA GM's and fans not to be judged against the standard or Chris Paul, Derrick Rose, Deron Williams, and Russell Westbrook. If he were headed to say the Knicks, or Mavericks, with talented guys around you might love these answers. However, as a likely top 3 pick you have to wonder about a guy who may not view himself as a franchise player. Have fun throwing nifty passes off of Samardo Samuels' chest, back, and face!

On the other hand he seems like a genuinely intelligent, well-spoken, hard-working guy, so it is difficult to imagine him flaming out Gerald Green style, or ever playing with Samaki Walker on Al-Jalaa Aleppo.

Do I like him? Yes.

Would I enjoy playing basketball with him? Unequivocal yes.

Would I trust him with my grandmother? Yes. He seems like he would be willing to at least pretend to try to learn the rules of bridge for an hour or so.

Foxhole test: Doesn't have enough of the Jordan/Kobe killer instinct, but he doesn't seem like he would be the guy to fall asleep on his watch either. Passes, but not with flying colors.

Would he rather be a dentist: Irving brings up a pact with his father which requires him to graduate from Duke in the next five years. This reminded me of Vince Carter right up until he was asked what would happen if he broke the pact: "That's a punishment that my father is going to have to come up with, five years from now I'm going to be 24, I'm going to be a pretty grown man, so, you know, no offense to my father, but the punishment- I think I can take it."

All in all, I am very confident Irving will be a good NBA player, and will not embarrass whichever franchise takes him. That said, there is almost certainly a better player in this draft. In the coming days and weeks we will continue using Dr. Conway's simple methods and uncover exactly who that better player might be.

Final note to David Kahn: Kyrie does NOT want to be in Minnesota:
Q: "Have you ever been to Minnesota, do you have any desire to do so?"
A:"They have connecting tubes everywhere."

Darko Time!

Next Up: The ephemeral tweener, Derrick Williams.