NBA Draft Piker Presents: The Finest Lithuania Has to Offer

But first a few brief thoughts from the NBA finals.

1. If Shawn Marion was traded for LeBron James before the NBA Finals which team wins? The Mavericks right? Right? They still win.... don't they?

2. For the love of Puerto Rico, please let J.J. Barea stay with the Mavs. J.J- you will not be half as entertaining or as effective on any other team. If you jump ship, former Miss Universe, Zuleyka Rivera will dump you. I have this on high authority, please take my word for it.

3. Pat Riley coaching the Heat next year would be really cool. I have nothing against Erik Spoelstra, I wish him well, and am quite certain he is not a bad coach ( a good coach wouldn't have started Mike Bibby for 5 finals games, but I digress). I just would really would like to see a fuming Gordon Gekko on the sidelines of a playoff game staring down LeBron James. Is that too much to ask?

4. We now know without a shadow of a doubt that having one decent center is better than having five over-the -hill stiffs. We can put this theory in the the books along with gravity, evolution, and the Fibonacci numbers. For the same nearly $8.5 Million the Heat paid Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Erick Dampier, Canadian National Team members Jamaal Magloire and Joel Anthony, and the artist formerly known as Juwan Howard to putter around in the paint, they could have instead signed Marcin Gortat and still paid a hefty $2 million bribe to the Gasol family for the future rights to Adria, the mystical 3rd Gasol brother (who inherited Marc's size, Pau's skill, and apparently Michael Jordan's fashion genes). Tan suit sold separately.

5. Shooting 3 pointers is a valuable skill that can be learned. During Jason Kidd's first three seasons in the NBA, he shot 31% from three in total. The last four years, he shot 39%. During that span he got much, much, much less athletic. He also probably shot around 1 million 3 point shots. Here is a partial list of NBA players who need to spend 3 hours every day this summer shooting nothing but 3's: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Rajon Rondo, Deron Williams, Brandon Jennings, Joe Johnson, Tyreke Evans and Jeff Green. I say partial because I excluded Gilbert Arenas who either temporarily forgot how to shoot (possible, given the fact that he is insane), or has a debilitating knee injury (likely, given that he moved around the court with less ease than any referee save for Dick Bavetta this past season). Gilbert Arenas was once so good at shooting 3's that he beat DeShawn Stevenson in a 3 point shooting contest. One handed. With 20 grand on the line. Yes, this actually happened. Tragically, those days may be gone for good. Below, Dick Bavetta doing what Dick Bavetta does.
Now on to Jonas Valanciunas and last and possibly least, Donatas Montiejunas.

Please be forewarned of the following: unless you really love robotic werewolf mascots, Jimmy Paige, dancing Lithuanian girls, or stiff, white Brendan Haywood impersonators, this highlight video is not for you. On the other hand, I do recommend the video form the 6:30 mark on for the quality Lithuanian electro-pop/rock, and grainy practice court footage. The creator of the video even went out of his or her way to drop a little scouting nugget of wisdom on us! Apparently, "He has very long arms, work hard, and is a great rebounder." Good to know.

DraftExpress.com notes that in 2009, Valanciunas competed "against arch-rival Enes Kanter in a pair of epic matchups that frequently get mentioned by NBA scouts as pivotal moments in their evaluations." One can only imagine the thrill fans must have gotten while watching two giant klutzes slam into each other trip after trip down the floor. With the baby-bottom-soft touch of Brendan Haywood, the physical tools of Spencer Hawes, and the knowledge that he has already faced down the mighty Enes Kanter how could he not be a star?

Below is the very adorable Donatas Montiejunas with what appears either to be the MVP trophy from some oddball international competition, or the cuff links from Donatas' high school prom.

Now that I've lowered the bar with Valanciunas, let me lower it even further with a small but delightful sample of Donatos Montiejunas' jump shooting prowess. Watch the first shot of this video, then skip to the 3:47 mark for the real goods. Wow. You can't teach that. Unless you are Brendan Haywood.

There are some great shots in this next video of Donatas performing a traditional Lithuanian neck-dance, stretching determinedly, giving a smoldering glare at the camera, flopping emphatically, and generally being as cute as a button. If any title contender needs a goofy and fun-loving Euro big man to keep the locker room loose and come off the bench for 8-10 ineffective but possibly hilarious minutes, this is the guy. Donatas makes the keen observation that there will never be another Michael Jordan, and there will never be another Arvydas Sabonis, that is until Brendan Haywood closes down the Brendan Haywood Summer Academy for promising Euro Centers.

In his most recent mock draft, ESPN's Chad Ford has Donatas going 20th overall to the Timberwolves. I would pay good money to see Donatas practice against Darko, and any Timberwolves fan who wouldn't doesn't believe in Ricky Rubio, the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus. I also think he would be cute in Portland, their soccer mom fan base would eat him right up.

Darko Time!

Next up: Kawhi Leonard, and the Jimmer!