NBA Draft Piker Presents: Jimmer Fredette & Kawhi Leonard

Greetings draft fans. Apologies for the mini-hiatus, but I'm back with a vengeance and ready to talk NBA draft. First up, a man who needs no introduction, Jimmer Fredette.

That said, here is an introduction. Jimmer exploded onto the NCAA scene this year like a Sammy Sosa corked bat, tearing through team after team with the otherworldly confidence that only a 22-year old Mormon named Jimmer could possibly muster.

Watching BYU basketball was a bit like watching a Pop Warner football game in which the coach's son plays tailback. BYU would inbound the ball to Jimmer and more or less stand around hoping for him to score. There were some possessions in which nobody else dribbled the ball. If Jimmer picked up his dribble he would pass it to a teammate, only to follow after his pass, take the ball back on a hand-off and start all over again. Every play was Jimmer. If you've read Michael Lewis' classic book, "The Blind Side", you'll recall that Michael Oher's high school coach essentially distilled his playbook down to one play because Oher was so physically dominant. The play was called "run the ball to the side Michael Oher is on and watch him move the defense". BYU's offense ran one play called "maybe Jimmer will make something good happen". To the right is a graphical representation of the BYU offense.

Here is what it looked like when Jimmer played against college kids: Jimmer Highlights! Pretty cool, I know. However, it is safe to say that Jimmer playing in the pros will not look anything like that video. Considering his glaring lack of athleticism, I firmly beleive most NBA teams have a guy who can guard Jimmer one-on one. Rajon Rondo, Thabo Sefolosha, Ronnie Brewer, John Salmons, Ty Lawson, Deron Williams, Kyle Lowry, heck even Baron Davis could probably shut him down if he wasn't so busy guarding giant blue balls backwards.

Having said that, there is surprising value in having a guy who can simply stand in the corner and knock down threes at an extremely high rate. Just ask the Heat, who would be NBA champs right now if Mike Miller didn't have 2 mutilated thumbs and if James Jones wasn't mysteriously benched for the entire NBA Finals. So the bottom line is Jimmer has a very good chance of being a useful player offensively. J.J. Redick of the Orlando Magic has already blazed this trail. Once a superb shooter learns the speed of the NBA game, and begins to understand the athleticism of his opponents he can be effective. He may not score as frequently as in college, but he can score efficiently.

The real question is, can Jimmer guard anyone or anything in the NBA. At 6'2", with poor foot speed, and not a whole lot of strength, the intuitive answer would be no. Most NBA point guards will carve Jimmer up off the dribble, while almost any shooting guard should be able to dominate the stormin' Mormon in the post, not to mention shoot over the top of him at any point, from any range. Jimmer on the defensive end is going to look something like a Revolutionary War-era soldier on a modern battlefield. He will have the distinct disadvantage of not being able to shoot until he sees the whites of his opponents eyes. Wait, scratch that, that's not right. If there is one thing he can do it is shoot from anywhere. Unfortunately whoever he is guarding will likely have the same opportunity, and I am guessing they will mostly choose to do so from right next to the hoop.

This means that in order to be an effective player overall Jimmer will have to either improve drastically defensively (something that J.J. Redick has worked extremely hard at and more or less accomplished), or somehow have his prodigious offensive skills translate to the NBA more or less unchanged (something that Stepehn Curry has somehow more or less accomplished).

Sadly I don't see it. I'm guessing in the NBA Jimmer will be a little less effective than Kirk Hinrich, and somewhat more a little more effective than Sasha Vujacic. Where does that leave him? How about a more virginal Boobie Gibson. Would you want that on your team? I didn't think so. On the bright side Sasha has some nice cars, and Kirk has some nice goggles, so it won't all be downhill for Jimmer.

Next up Kawhi Leonard, who is more or less the basketball inverse of Jimmer Fredette. He also arguably has as cool a name as Jimmer. If it gives us nothing else, this year's draft will treat us to a bunch of great names. Jimmer. Kawhi. Bismack Biyombo. Kemba Walker. Markieff Morris (say it! it's fun! it makes you feel like you have a little baby Derrick Williams style lisp!). Even Brandon Knight makes me smile because it sounds so much like a superhero alias along the lines of Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, or Hugh Jackman (that is Wolverine's real name, no?). Run little girl, Hugh Jackman's pulsating abs indicate that he is only moments away from a transformation into the WOLVERINE!!!!
As i was saying, Kawhi Leonard is about as far removed from the Jimmer as a basketball player can be. If the Jimmer was a food he would be a really nasty, smelly old piece of sushi that a famous chef made a few days ago. It seems sort of cool and appetizing if you don't look too closely, but you don't actually want to put it in your mouth. Kawhi Leonard is like a chicken parm sandwich from your favorite neighborhood Italian joint. Nobody is going to win a michelin star for that chicken parm sandwich but it also not going to disappoint. It's tried and true, and it doesn't taste the slightest bit like play-doh.

Watch these highlights and you'll see what I mean. All right so his jump shot has just about the worst mechanics you've ever seen (Reggie Miller leg kick, check! Shawn Marion style wrist flick, dart throw motion, check! Shaq style shot put from the shoulder, check!). Apparently, he has enormous hands, which I am told makes it very difficult to shoot a basketball from range. On the other hand, those gigantic oven mitts become a huge asset down by the basket, exactly where any intelligent coach will have Kawhi Leonard doing the vast majority of his dirty work.

Leonard is most often compared with Gerald Wallace due to his imposing physicality, extreme athleticism, and probably more than anything, the fact that they both have corn rows. I think that comparison is apt, but I would also throw young Ron Artest and young Corey Maggette into the mix. Like Artest, Leonard should have the strength and quickness (if not the crazy) to be an extremely disruptive defender who can guard multiple positions (potentially small forward, shooting guard, or even power forward). Like Maggette, Leonard should be able to launch himself into people down low and get to the free throw line at an extremely high rate. On the flip side, who is to say Leonard doesn't play moronic offense like Ron, heaving low percentage threes, and then trot down and put in a half-assed, Corey Magette style defensive effort. These are the mysteries of the draft.
It is perhaps a blessing in disguise that Leonard has such an abominable, and potentially unfixable jump shot. If he commits himself to rebounding, defense, and using his physicality to score in the post, and in transition he will be an extremely productive player, albeit not a big-name star. Leonard would be a great fit on teams like Sacramento, or Golden State that already have a few established high volume scorers.

Unfortunately the Draft is tomorrow and I did not have time to get to all the prospects I would have liked to... Here are my impressions:

Kenneth Faried: like him, DeJuan Blair-esque. No way he will be bad.

Alec Burks: decent athlete, with a solid all around game, including mid-range moves (a lost art) also has an oddly large butt, which never hurts!

Klay Thompson: good rebounder for a guard, but looks like he is in slow-motion, or playing high school ball. I wouldn't get too excited.

Marcus Morris: doesn't really stand out in any way. No aspect of his game impresses me.

Markieff Morris: see Marcus Morris.

Chris Singleton: he is an absolute beast, and a relentless defender. Usually scouts get excited about this kind of player, why is he flying so far under the radar? He might want to think about changing his name to Chrismack Biyombo.

Tristan Thompson: really, really big, with limited athleticism but decent touch and feel around the rim. Can someone please tell me what Enes Kanter has that Tristan doesn't?

Iman Shumpert: looks similar to Burks. Decent athlete, with 3-point range and ability to finish at the hoop. I Like his swagger. Knicks- please take him.

Marshon Brooks: yikes, I don't know what to think. On the one hand he is undersized and takes ridiculously stupid shots constantly. On the other hand his highlight reel is more impressive than just about anyone in this draft. If you like Brandon Jennings then Marshon Brooks is for you.

Darko Time!

NBA Draft Piker Presents: The Finest Lithuania Has to Offer

But first a few brief thoughts from the NBA finals.

1. If Shawn Marion was traded for LeBron James before the NBA Finals which team wins? The Mavericks right? Right? They still win.... don't they?

2. For the love of Puerto Rico, please let J.J. Barea stay with the Mavs. J.J- you will not be half as entertaining or as effective on any other team. If you jump ship, former Miss Universe, Zuleyka Rivera will dump you. I have this on high authority, please take my word for it.

3. Pat Riley coaching the Heat next year would be really cool. I have nothing against Erik Spoelstra, I wish him well, and am quite certain he is not a bad coach ( a good coach wouldn't have started Mike Bibby for 5 finals games, but I digress). I just would really would like to see a fuming Gordon Gekko on the sidelines of a playoff game staring down LeBron James. Is that too much to ask?

4. We now know without a shadow of a doubt that having one decent center is better than having five over-the -hill stiffs. We can put this theory in the the books along with gravity, evolution, and the Fibonacci numbers. For the same nearly $8.5 Million the Heat paid Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Erick Dampier, Canadian National Team members Jamaal Magloire and Joel Anthony, and the artist formerly known as Juwan Howard to putter around in the paint, they could have instead signed Marcin Gortat and still paid a hefty $2 million bribe to the Gasol family for the future rights to Adria, the mystical 3rd Gasol brother (who inherited Marc's size, Pau's skill, and apparently Michael Jordan's fashion genes). Tan suit sold separately.

5. Shooting 3 pointers is a valuable skill that can be learned. During Jason Kidd's first three seasons in the NBA, he shot 31% from three in total. The last four years, he shot 39%. During that span he got much, much, much less athletic. He also probably shot around 1 million 3 point shots. Here is a partial list of NBA players who need to spend 3 hours every day this summer shooting nothing but 3's: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Rajon Rondo, Deron Williams, Brandon Jennings, Joe Johnson, Tyreke Evans and Jeff Green. I say partial because I excluded Gilbert Arenas who either temporarily forgot how to shoot (possible, given the fact that he is insane), or has a debilitating knee injury (likely, given that he moved around the court with less ease than any referee save for Dick Bavetta this past season). Gilbert Arenas was once so good at shooting 3's that he beat DeShawn Stevenson in a 3 point shooting contest. One handed. With 20 grand on the line. Yes, this actually happened. Tragically, those days may be gone for good. Below, Dick Bavetta doing what Dick Bavetta does.
Now on to Jonas Valanciunas and last and possibly least, Donatas Montiejunas.

Please be forewarned of the following: unless you really love robotic werewolf mascots, Jimmy Paige, dancing Lithuanian girls, or stiff, white Brendan Haywood impersonators, this highlight video is not for you. On the other hand, I do recommend the video form the 6:30 mark on for the quality Lithuanian electro-pop/rock, and grainy practice court footage. The creator of the video even went out of his or her way to drop a little scouting nugget of wisdom on us! Apparently, "He has very long arms, work hard, and is a great rebounder." Good to know.

DraftExpress.com notes that in 2009, Valanciunas competed "against arch-rival Enes Kanter in a pair of epic matchups that frequently get mentioned by NBA scouts as pivotal moments in their evaluations." One can only imagine the thrill fans must have gotten while watching two giant klutzes slam into each other trip after trip down the floor. With the baby-bottom-soft touch of Brendan Haywood, the physical tools of Spencer Hawes, and the knowledge that he has already faced down the mighty Enes Kanter how could he not be a star?

Below is the very adorable Donatas Montiejunas with what appears either to be the MVP trophy from some oddball international competition, or the cuff links from Donatas' high school prom.

Now that I've lowered the bar with Valanciunas, let me lower it even further with a small but delightful sample of Donatos Montiejunas' jump shooting prowess. Watch the first shot of this video, then skip to the 3:47 mark for the real goods. Wow. You can't teach that. Unless you are Brendan Haywood.

There are some great shots in this next video of Donatas performing a traditional Lithuanian neck-dance, stretching determinedly, giving a smoldering glare at the camera, flopping emphatically, and generally being as cute as a button. If any title contender needs a goofy and fun-loving Euro big man to keep the locker room loose and come off the bench for 8-10 ineffective but possibly hilarious minutes, this is the guy. Donatas makes the keen observation that there will never be another Michael Jordan, and there will never be another Arvydas Sabonis, that is until Brendan Haywood closes down the Brendan Haywood Summer Academy for promising Euro Centers.

In his most recent mock draft, ESPN's Chad Ford has Donatas going 20th overall to the Timberwolves. I would pay good money to see Donatas practice against Darko, and any Timberwolves fan who wouldn't doesn't believe in Ricky Rubio, the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus. I also think he would be cute in Portland, their soccer mom fan base would eat him right up.

Darko Time!

Next up: Kawhi Leonard, and the Jimmer!

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Why The Heat Might Lose & Bismack Biyombo

First off I want to thank Erik Spoelstra for taking my advice in an earlier post. On the last possession of game three, Spoelstra decided to put his 3rd best large defender (Udonis Haslem) on Dirk Nowitzki, rather than his 4th best large defender (Chris Bosh, unless you feel strongly about Juwan Howard, which puts Bosh in 5th place). The Result? Check out the 3:06 mark of this video to see what real defense looks like.

Nice adjustment Senor Spoelstra, but you just lost game 4, and are tied 2-2. Got any more adjustments? I sure do.

Here are some pertinent statistics on the Heat's 4 scrubby perimeter players from basketball value.com and nba.com's statscube.

First off, Adjusted plus/minus. This stat tells you how well a team does when a player is on the floor, versus when he is on the bench. It is called "adjusted" because it attempts to control for the quality of the other guys on the court. For more info click here.

James Jones: +1.23 Regular Season -.30 Playoffs
Mario Chalmers -.55 Regular Season -3.47 Playoffs
Mike Bibby -3.81 Regular Season -8.84 Playoffs
Mike Miller -7.74 Regular Season -2.46 Playoffs

Next up True Shooting Percentage, which is a lot like field goal percentage, except it accounts for the fact that a 3 pointer is worth 3 points, a 2 pointer is worth 2 points and free throws are worth 1 point. Makes sense right? For you math whizzes our there, the formula is: PTS/(2*(FGA + (.44*FTA)))

James Jones: 62.9% Regular Season 68.8% Playoffs
Mario Chalmers 53.8% Regular Season 56.6% Playoffs
Mike Bibby 57.0% Regular Season 37.1% Playoffs
Mike Miller 52.5% Regular Season 40.4% Playoffs

Please also note that Mike Miller is a significantly better rebounder than the other 3 gents. The stats, as well as common sense bear this out, but you'll have to take my word for it because I'm tired of data entry.

Now during the regular season, these four chappies split up 87.4 minutes per game roughly evenly after March 1st, which was Mr. Bibby's first appearance with El Heat. During the Playoffs, the four amigos have gotten, on average, only 61.3 minutes per game combined. No small wonder their minutes have been reduced, as the Heat really want to win playoff games and they have Dwyane Wade and LeBron James on their team. Given the stats you've seen above, how would you split up 61 minutes between the four available scrubs?

If I had my druthers it would look something like this:
James Jones : 25 minutes
Mario Chalmers: 21 Minutes
Mike Miller: 15 minutes
Mike Bibby: 0 minutes

Erik Spoelstra thinks otherwise. Here are their actual average minutes through 4 NBA finals games:
Mario Chalmers: 27.9 minutes
Mike Bibby: 17.9 minutes
Mike Miller: 15.5 minutes
James Jones: 0 minutes

EGADS!!!! Bibby is probably killing them right? Right. And if you have watched these four games, I didn't have to tell you that, you already knew it. Lastly, I know some critics will think that this is not a fair comparison, because Bibby and Chalmers are point guards and Mike Miller and James Jones are small forwards. This is a wrong thought. The Heat offense is run not through the point guard position, but rather through LeBron and D-Wade, who are also more capable of bringing the ball up the floor than Bibby (as J.J. Barea is proving) and possibly Chalmers. Therefore, the job of all four of these scrubs is to stand in the corner and knock down threes.

Mario Chalmers can sort of do it (36.4% from three in the finals) and is an active defender. Mike Bibby can't do it (31.3%) and is a certified corpse. Mike Miller can't either (30.8%) but at least he rebounds! Wouldn't it be nice if the Big Three could pass to... oh I don't know maybe the 2010-2011 3-point shooting champion? Wait a minute, wasn't that James Jones?!?!?!? YES! It was. He's right there on your bench Spoelstra. Has been the whole series, collecting dust. Just a thought, maybe he deserves a chance. For another data point, look at the photo at the top. That's right, James Jones probably won that loose ball from Bibby! If that isn't definitive proof I don't know what is. Below, Mike Bibby in his natural habitat, on the bench playing dress-up with Josh Smith.


Now on to more important things than the fate of the NBA Finals....Bismack Biyombo!

Like the enigmatic Enes Kanter, most pro scouts and GM's have probably seen this guy play once. In fact, up until a month or so ago his name on every NBA draft site i saw (including ESPN.com) was "Bismarck Biyombo". The way he says his own name at the opening of the clip below explains why. So yes, some NBA GM will almost certainly use a lottery pick on a guy whose real name he probably didn't know just a few months earlier. While Enes Kanter "dominated" (see earlier post for explanation of quotation marks) the 2010 Nike Hoops Summit, Biyombo had his coming out party at the 2011 edition. Highlights here!

The first thing that jumps out at you is his supernatural leaping ability, which instantly draws comparisons to recent Congolese import Serge Ibaka (at left, Ibaka shows off a mellow, Congolese Blue Steel). Defensively, he certainly reminds me of Ibaka, not only because of his shot-blocking ability, but also because he moves his feet so well, and puts forth a great effort. Many of his blocks at the Nike Hoop Summit were created because he tracks back hard in transition. Watch him challenge an open 3-point shooter after blocking a shot 5:31 into the clip. He sprints around two teammates to run a guy off the three point line, and though he ends up scoring this falls squarely on the shoulders of Biyombo's teammates. Bismack did exactly what you are supposed to do.

Offensively, he knows what he is capable of, and it is flying at the rim, posting people up, and smartly passing out of double teams. He doesn't attempt a single jumper in the clip, and his two made free throws look like an homage to Tyson Chandler's arc-less dart-throwing. This is good in the sense that he will likely shoot a very high percentage in the pros, however, in order to become a really good offensive player he will have to develop a decent jumper and a face-up game (see: Griffin, Blake). Given how quick his feet are, and the fact that he seems to be able to finish around the rim, Biyombo's offensive game may end up looking a lot more like Nene's (please bring back the 'fro Nene, we miss it) than Ibaka's. If he takes a few big steps forward that is. All in all I would say that unless you are a Utah Jazz fan, and are one decent guy away from the playoffs, any lottery-bound team would be better served with Bismack than Kemba Walker, and I actually like Kemba.

Darko Time! (T-Wolves fans must see!)

Next up: Jonas Valanciunas vs. Nikola Mirotic! Euro showdown!

NBADraftPiker Presents: Jan Vesely

Thus far the great Czech Republic has produced many wondrous things. To name just a few marvels, the Czechs have given us:

The contact lens

The first electrified musical instrument

The modern field of genetics

And the original Budweiser.

It has also produced two former NBA players, much less palatable than the aforementioned brew. Jiri Welsch spent five uneventful years on four NBA teams, occasionally shooting threes, but more often enjoying the simple pleasures of watching American style basketball courtside.

Before the arrival of the disappointing Welsch, gentle giant George Zidek had already traversed the Atlantic in search of stardom and glory . Little known fact: George Zidek’s real name is Jiri Zidek, making Jan Vesely the first Czech-born baller not named Jiri to grace the NBA with his presence. Fans of NBA Hangtime for N64 (the absolute gold standard in NBA console games, still yet to be surpassed) will remember Zidek as one of the many lumbering giants of the game rendered almost completely useless by their inability to ever make non-dunks. Unfortunately, the real-life 7-footer was all too similar to his electronic counterpart, shooting a laughable 40.8% from the field in his abbreviated NBA career.

Although Czechs have been unable to hack it at the NBA level, there have been a number of successful Balkan ballers, and a handful of skillful Russians and Lithuanians as well. Here is what FreeDarko Presents…The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac had to say about the Serbian style of play:

“Tough and rugged, yet with a high level of finesse”

This more or less sums up the history of Eastern-European imports, considering the four highest scoring Eastern Euros in NBA history are Vlade Divac, Peja Stojakovic, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Toni Kukoc. Half of those four are currently riding the pine in the NBA Finals, coincidence? Yes. Below, Vlade and Peja, who Vlade affectionately dubbed "special boy," enjoy a shot of Patron out of a pimp cup they bought on eBay.

However, Jan Vesely appears to be unlike any of his predecessors. In order to appreciate Vesely you are going to have to throw out the book on Eastern European basketballers. I know, I know the book doesn’t actually exist, and all I gave you was a sentence that technically refers only to Serbia & Montenegro, but please just humor me and throw out the book.

As my friend and mentor, Leo Tolstoy once said, "'The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him." Granted, I may not be able to explain to you such esoteric topics as string theory, or collateralized debt obligations, but neither of those modern marvels existed in old Tolstoy's day. Basketball, on the other hand was on the eve of it's 20th birthday when the great Tolstoy passed away. Urban legend even has it that he once threw down a windmill on an 8 foot hoop. Below, Leo pontificates on the wonders of the triangle offense to a spellbound pair of Muscovite youths.

So with that in mind, I implore you to clear your mind of everything you thought you knew, and prepare yourself for a psychadelic odyssey of rim rocking throwdowns and gnarly scowls. Seriously, if you watch one video from this blog watch this one:

Jan Vesely highlights

First off, I want to thank Ousvec for a highlight video done the right way. Bonus points for the Ying Yang Twins soundtrack, and timing the dunks to the "BOOM'S".

Now let's run a thought experiment. Let's say there is a 6'11" college Junior throwing down the gargantuan dunks you just saw, blocking shots left and right, and generally doing his darndest to channel the great Shawn Kemp (at right). He could be white, he could be black, as long as he can dunk like Vasely it doesn't matter. Now, most importantly, let's give him a cool name. We will call him Slick Watts (real NBA player, look it up!). Not only would you have heard of Slick Watts, he would probably be right there with Jimmer Fredette as the only two guys the casual NBA fan cares about. He would also be a top-3 pick.

On the down side, it appears none of the fine people at Partizan Belgrade have gotten around to teaching young Jan how to dribble the ball. Also, please note that he is something like a career 50% free throw shooter. Honestly I couldn't care less. I am smitten. Watch Jan sky for a rebound 2:08 into the video and the reaction afterwards. This guy oozes confidence and has unbridled swagger, the likes of which we have yet to see from an Eastern-Euro. In the past draftnicks have tended to get a little too overwhelmed by physically-gifted players, but for whatever reason (read: but because Jan Vesely is from Eastern Europe) this has not been the case for Jan. This awkward snapshot from the Euroleague's website may also have hurt his draft stock... is he too busy to untag it?

Vesely has by far the most potential of any prospect I've seen so far. He is also a shoe-in to be a terrific rebounder, and has a very good chance of being an impactful defender. Count me in!

Darko Time!

Next Up: The rambunctiously named Bicmack Biyombo.

Heat Choke

I could probably rattle off a few thousand words on the last 6 minutes of last night's NBA finals game, but I won't subject you to that. Instead lets go deep, deep into the abyss that is the Miami Heat's last defensive possession. I mean waaaaaaay down. Have a look for yourself. Fullscreen this puppy! Or for better quality view here: YouTube!




Notice anything fishy?
I sure do.Let's go through everything wrong with this possession and assign blame. Please don't feel bad for the Miami Heat or their fans. They kind of deserve the no-holds barred treatment I'm about to deliver after the Dwyane Wade/LeBron James 4th quarter shadow-boxing lovefest. Those two still seem to think they can act like WWF stars and nobody will think anything of it. I'm not even one of those "respect the game" fuddy-duddies that gets mad when someone throws down a humongous tomahawk on a fast-break in a 12 point game. Wade and the Bron can just be really irritating.

In a very particular order, here are the Heat's 4 best defensive options to put on Dirk.

1. Joel Anthony- Has proved himself as one of the three best defensive big men in the 2011 playoffs along with Tyson Chandler and Nick Collison. You will notice he is on the bench for this play. We had better find out he had an inoperable sports hernia or this is totally inexcusable on Spoelstra's part.
   
2. LeBron- Just absolutely undressed the NBA MVP defensively in the Bulls series. He is guarding Jason Terry in the corner.
   
3. Udonis Haslem- The only man man enough to stop Dirk in the 2006 finals. Has certainly slowed down a couple of steps, but is still a capable defender. He is on Tyson Chandler.
4. Chris Bosh- Widely regarded as somewhere between a mediocre and poor defender for his entire career , Bosh draws the assignment of his life and firmly entrenches himself in the matador D hall of fame.

Blame-O-Meter: Erik Spoelstra 35% for playing the wrong 5 guys and the wrong matchups. Chris Bosh 15% for being a genuinely bad defender, but really he should never have been in this position.

Now watch the play above again and watch only Haslem. When Dirk starts to make his move Haslem runs over as if to double. Dirk spins and Haslem stops and checks back toward Chandler. It is already too late. As the primary help defender on this play Haslem failed, he needed to go hard at Dirk and force the ball out of his hands, making Chandler D-Wade's responsibility. Bottom line, Haslem does something to contest Dirk, just far too little.

Blame-O-Meter: Udonis Haslem 10%

All right, repeat the above exercise and watch only Lebron. Looks kind of like me in my rec league on Thursday night huh? Could you have any less urgency? His neck moves more than his feet. In his defense, Jason Terry is not the guy you want to leave wide open, but Dirk is going to make that running lefty layup about 85% of the time. A sorry display from King James.

Blame O-Meter: LeBron James 20%

As you watch those beautiful 10 seconds again, this time watch only D-Wade. Note to Dwyane: you are on Shawn Marion. If Shawn Marion puts up a three pointer you probably just won the game and the Finals. Maybe standing flat-footed at the edge of the paint is a bit of an underreaction to the threat Dirk represents. Keep in mind, when Dirk first puts the ball on the floor there are 7 seconds on the shot clock. 7 Seconds!!!!!!!!! Sure Haslem should be running to double Dirk at that instant, but if he won't why not Wade? If Wade doubles one of three things is almost certain to happen.

1. Dirk picks up his dribble and shoots a contested fadeaway.
   
2. Dirk passes to Marion who drives to the hoop looking to make a weird Marion floater/hook shot forcing either Haslem to switch and Wade to recover to Chandler, or Wade to get back and contest Marion's shot.
3. Dirk passes to Marion, who has no desire to shoot a deciding shot in the NBA Finals and kicks it back out to Jason Kidd.

These are good outcomes. The split second after Haslem shuffled back towards Chandler, Wade should have flown to Dirk. Instead he hesitates long enough for both Haslem and Chandler to stumble past him. Sidenote: If Dirk misses the layup Chandler is almost certainly dunking it in, or at least getting the rebound as Wade gets beaten to the spot. If you are not going to double, at least have the courtesy to box out Haslem's man when he eventually does. That part is really unacceptable.

Blame-O-Meter: D-Wade 15%

Now watch Chalmers. Mario!!!!!!!!!! You are the Greatest Alaskan to ever play in the NBA. Why are you not doubling Dirk as soon as he touches the ball? When Dirk receives the ball Jason Kidd is halfway between the 3 point arc and half court.

If Chalmers doubles and Dirk sends it back to Kidd, Chalmers should have plenty of time to recover. There, you just wasted 3 seconds and made Dirk less dangerous, repeat thrice and watch the Mavs huck up a prayer. Even if for some reason he can't recover the Heat are in good shape. Kidd is either going to take a long, open, off the dribble jumper (not going to happen), or attack the basket. Kidd attacking the basket actually plays into Miami's hand as you now have a mini 3 on 2 featuring Dallas' 3 least dangerous offensive players. Haslem and Wade are not going to let 38-year old Jason Kidd score at the rim, and Kidd is reluctant to shoot off the dribble so this scenario probably plays out with Kidd kicking to Marion in the corner or sending it way back out to Dirk. Not too shabby

Blame-O-Meter: Super Mario: 5%

Finally, please note Dwyane Wade's flawless flopping technique on the buzzer beater. Ginobili would be proud. He jumps cleanly between Dirk and Marion, an impressive athletic feet in and of itself, only to be sniped out of the air a split second before landing. Truly breathtaking. If this was 2006....3 free throws.

What do you think? Am I too harsh on someone? Not harsh enough?

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Brandon Knight vs. Kemba Walker

That's right NBA Draft fans, we've got an old fashioned donnybrook! A brouhaha between two of the NCAA's finest for the hearts and minds of the readers of this fine periodical. But before we get started, let me take this opportunity to thank the seven individuals who have recently visited this site from Turkey. Thank you. I don't know who you are, or how you ended up here, but I hope each and every one of you found whatever it is you were looking for.

Where were we? Two colossi of human strength and basketball ingenuity enter the flaming ring of fire, only one man leaves! But how to choose?
In my personal opinion (and hopefully yours as well) a large part of what makes sports great, and what makes being a sports fan fun, is the space it provides for differing viewpoints. Crazed soccer hooligans excluded. They may not take kindly to different view points.

In this day and age, sports debates are increasingly dominated by the friction between those who rely on statistics, and those who rely on watching games. Basketball is an unusually interesting case study at this point in time, as it has not been completely captured by the statistical revolution and reduced to a mathematical model. For more on this see baseball. On the other hand, basketball fans have been much more receptive to statistical analysis than football fans, who seem to view their sport as "unquantifiable," due perhaps to the large number of bodies on the field at once.

In the NBA, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and a stat geek's Hakeem Olajuwon may be a hardcore fan's Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje. That is, unless those two men are talking about Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje. They will speedily agree that he is, in fact, Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje.

Imagine two blind old men groping at a volkswagen. One thinks he is feeling a well-designed German automobile, unpretentious yet comfortably luxurious. The other believes it to be a a precision engineered European driving machine, sporty and classy all at once. Ok bad example. But you get the picture. Therefore, let us view examine Kemba Walker and Brandon Knight through a multitude of prisms, in order to avoid mistaking an elephant for a snake.

Prism 1: Winning
The average NBA fan calling in to a radio talk show is so overwhelmingly concerned with winning, you could almost mistake him or her for Charlie Sheen or DJ Khaled. In this worldview, when it comes right down to it some guys are winners and some guys aren't. This is what separates Michael Jordan from Karl Malone. What exactly comprises the magical winning potion is a combination of toughness, determination, wanting it more than the other guy, the ability to perform under pressure, Adonis DNA, and literally any other sports cliche you have ever heard.

Though I mock it, there is some truth to this world view. If you have ever competed against another person in anything, be it competitive hot-dog eating or ballet you know what competing feels like. And for that matter you almost certainly know what winning and losing feel like. On a very primal level, we humans want to avoid the pain of losing, and experience the joy of winning. For some, competition brings out the absolute best, for others not so much. Brandon Knight played one year of college ball, and did his fair share of winning. Kemba Walker won his last 11 games to take home the Big East and NCAA Championships.

Edge: Kemba Walker

Prism 2: The Stats
Unfortunately this prism is extremely cloudy. Check out the incredible similarities between Walker and Knight's 2010 college stats here. Walker took more shots than Knight, and therefore scored more, but efficiency-wise the two were almost identical. Knight boasted a true shooting percentage of 55.2%, versus 54.2% for Walker. Their rebounding, and assist numbers were also very similar. Finally, Walker (a Junior) predictably turned the ball over less frequently than Knight (a freshman).

Edge: Dead even.



Prism #3: Athletic Measurables. At first glance, prisms #1 and #2 appear to be diametrically opposed. On the other hand, at least they both involve playing basketball. Whether you prefer to look at a player's college winning percentage or his college three point percentage, you are making the implicit assumption that college basketball correlates somehow to pro basketball. Seems reasonable, no? Not if you are Jay Bilas, Chad Ford, and a host of other true believers in the cult of athletic measurables. These zealots take it for granted that NBA basketball is a unique game. It doesn't matter what you did at UCLA, or Maccabi Tel Aviv, the NBA is populated only with world class atheletes, and if you can't compete athletically you will not succeed. Let's go to the tale of the tape on Kemba Walker and Brandon Knight. Hardcore fans click here for a mind-boggling array of measurements. To summarize all that, Knight is taller, has longer reach, is quicker, and skinnier. Kemba Walker jumps higher.

Edge: Brandon Knight

So after all that what have we learned? People have different perspectives, and never, ever, EVER stray from the Conway method. Watch the highlights and you will agree that Brandon Knight looks like Rajon Rondo with a jumper. Kemba Walker? He looks good too. Kyrie Irving look out.

Brandon Knight Highlights

Kemba Walker Highlights


Darko Time!

Next Up: Czech out Jan Vesely!

NBA Draft Piker Presents: Enes Kanter

Greetings draft fans! Before we apply the famed Conway method to the mysterious basketball creature that is Enes Kanter, I'd like to muse for a moment about two of my favorite topics: Turkey and rebounding!

First up, Turkey. Turkey is a lovely nation of over 70 Million folks, which was born of the Ottoman empire, and is wedged in at the confluence of Russia, the Balkans, North Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. Famous for it's secular Muslim government, soccer fanatics, and this weird thing, Turkey is also the proud home of 5 current NBA players, who can be easily lumped into two distinct groups. Group 1 consists of Hedo Turkoglu, and surfing fanatic Ersan Ilyasova, who stand around and shoot threes. Omer Asik and Semih Erden are large men that rebound and defend the low post. They comprise group 2. Almost forgot about Mehmet Okur, who certainly acts like he belongs in group 1, but may actually have taken a wrong turn on the road to group 2.

Next, rebounding. For those basketball novices among us, rebounding is the ancient art of catching missed shots. There are three simple philosophies that guide basketball players at all levels toward their goal of rebounding the basketball.

Phillosophy 1: the Zydrunas Ilgauskas. As the Big Z is clearly a probabilistic thinker, he always has one simple thought going through his mind at all times: "I am a 7 foot 3 Lithuanian man, if I stand here, near the basket, there is a very good chance a missed shot will fall to me." This philosophy only works if you are 7 feet tall. Below, Zydrunas in perfect rebounding position.
Phillosophy 2: the Gerald Wallace. Gerald, it seems, lives in the moment. He can't be bothered with rebounds until the ball bricks delicately off the rim, his cue to soar superman style at the thing and attempt to throw it down. Boxing out? Gerald is unfamiliar with this nonsense. After all, is it really a rebound if nobody gets posterized in the process? This phillosophy only works if you have supernatural athleticism. Watch Gerald lay a friendly egg on Kyle Korver's head here.

Phillosophy 3: the Nick Collision. Unlike Big Z and Gerald, Nick Collison, and his ilk, take a more steadfast, determined approach to their craft. Nick Collison devotes himself and every fiber of his being to rebounding, a samurai approach, if you will. While on the court, others think about that funny halibut they had for lunch, how badly they just missed a 3, or which club they will be attending that night, Collison seems to dwell on such minutiae as, "when Zach Randolph misses bank shots they tend to fall near the right block," or "If Shaq's heinie wasn't so darn large I'm sure I could get around him and get this rebound!" Players who master the samurai phillosophy of rebounding actually appear to have a magnet pulling the ball towards them at all times. On the right, a young Collison uses his mystical powers of magnetism to gather a rebound.

History's greatest rebounder, Dennis Rodman, combined the unique athletic advantages of Big Z and Gerald with a single-minded devotion to the samurai code of rebounding unmatched by any man or beast.

Now on to Kanter. Before viewing the highlights, you should know that from 2008-2009, Kanter was a "seldom used reserve" on Turkish professional team Fenerbahçe Ülker.
He then spent 2009-2010 as a student assistant coach at the University of Kentucky because he made 300 grand playing ball in Turkey, which apparently the NCAA frowns on. No word on why American college players are routinely allowed to accept money. Finally, scouts and NBA GM's have apparently seen him play once or twice. So dear reader, prepare to join the elite club I like to call "the world's 100 best informed Enes Kanter scholars".

Highlights.
Yikes. In English, the word for stiff is "Erick Dampier". In Greek it is, "Jake Tsakalidis". Apparently in Turkish the word is "Enes Kanter".

Ok that is a little bit harsh, but top 5 pick! This guy? These highlights are from the single game in which Kanter set the world on fire. Since then he has played little competitive basketball. Let the record reflect the following:
1. Kanter's rebounding phillosophy appears to conform most closely to Big Z. He spends the entirety of this clip standing flat-footed as the ball falls over the heads of high schoolers and into his hands.
2. Speaking of which, his hands were apparently carved out of some fine Turkish marble. he is nearly stripped at the beginning of the clip and fumbles before recovering on a few other occasions.
3. He can shoot. There I said something nice about Enes Kanter.

Skip to the 4:27 mark in the highlight video to watch Kanter and fellow EuroStiff Dejan Musli play volleyball.

Enough with the "highlights", on to the interview. Don't be deterred by the language barrier. If Ichiro has taught us one thing, it is that a true champion need not speak English the way most Americans do.

Interview.

Practically the first words out of Kanter's mouth are: "I don't have to hide anything," which he repeats for dramatic effect. This begs the obvious question, what on earth is Enes Kanter hiding? Aside from his lack of talent that is.

As Enes warms up, he shows that he is quite intelligent (he learned decent English in 6-7 months, cool!), and he absolutely kills the crowd with a hilarious zinger about American music being too fast to understand the words (3:25 in). Having gone to the University of Kentucky, he is surely referring to bluegrass music.

He also seems like he is an extremely hard working, determined guy, though he doesn't exactly pass the Greg Oden dentist test with flying colors. He seems really, really happy to be out of Turkey. So happy that you wonder how many unsettled gambling debts he has outstanding with former Fenerbahçe Ülker teammates. Basketball may not be this guy's top priority. If in 10 years he has a PhD in histology, like his father, don't say I didn't warn you. Ultimately, drafting Kanter seems akin to buying a lottery ticket. I'd say there is a 1 in 10 chance Kanter absolutely loves basketball, hates losing, and has the samurai rebounding mentality to boot. If that is the case then we have the Turkish Al Horford on our hands. Otherwise you have a mediocre, unathletic big man with decent shooting touch and little else. Which brings me back to Mehmet Okur.

Darko Time!

Up next: Brandon Knight, who may have introduced Enes Kanter to rap music.